Well, once again, here I sit. It’s amazing just how seemingly slow time can be when you are in high hopes that it will pass quickly. This time I am sitting in the Madrid airport, spending the night and waiting to board my first flight that will take me back to the States. And in less than 24 hours, I will be back home in good ole’ Indiana. I have to be honest…the feelings are completely mixed. I’m ready to go home, but I’m not. I’m ready to see family and friends, but I’m not ready to leave my classmates, professors, and my host family here in Segovia. I’m excited to continue my life at home, but I’m not ready for my life here in Europe to come to an end. A colleague asked me earlier today how it felt to finally be heading home, and I honestly couldn’t think of the words to accurately describe it. My responses above are only a start to what I’m actually thinking, and if I were to try and bring it all to light this post would never end. I know that it’s normal, but it still doesn’t make the mental process any easier.
The title for this post reminds me a lot of one my favorite childhood movies, “Homeword Bound: the Incredible Journey.” For those of you that haven’t seen it or heard of it, the movie centers on three domestic animals that become separated from their owners and are forced to travel American soil and the great outdoors to find their way back home. And though I may not be an animal separated from my owner, I have seen that in many ways, my story is still similar to theirs. My entire life, I never knew anything else than my life as an American in the United States. This semester, however, everything changed when I broke the international barrier and came all the way across the Atlantic to live/study/work in Spain. Talk about shocking!
Essentially, I became separated from my home that I have known my entire life to embark on a completely new journey unfamiliar to me, a journey that would surely push me out of my comfort zone. When you leave everything you know to jump into something new, things are not going to be smooth sailing, and they are by no means comfortable. You have to make due with what you have. And that’s exactly what I did. And as I look back on it, I truly felt like a sheep without a shepherd (at least in the beginning).
And as I sit here at the finish line, I can see that in many ways I went from being the lost sheep to feeling more like the shepherd of the flock (and no, I don’t mean that I’ve become Jesus!). Now that I’m on the brink of returning back to the life I once had, I have so much to take back with me. I have seen/heard/lived many things this past three months that honestly have changed my world and my perspective of it. And if I’m being completely honest, I hope that this journey and all of the experiences I was blessed to have may be able to show me a new perspective of the life that I am in fact flying back to, because they are two totally different camps. They say that when you study abroad, you don’t just learn more about another language; you learn even more about yourself. And I can honestly say that I am not the same person that left the States three months ago. You may be wondering: what are some things that I’ve learned?
Well, the simple answer (as I mentioned before) is a lot. The first thing I learned when I started out in Spain was that in many ways, life in Spain is no different than life in the United States. Adults have jobs and work full-time (less than in the States I might add, but still enough) and kids go to school. Teenagers still roam the streets attached to their mobile phones, drowned in the latest music trends (which are actually American artists), and chatting about the most recent relationship scandal among their friends. People spend time outside shopping, chatting over coffee, and traveling the streets with their loved ones. The only difference, honestly, is that they speak Spanish instead of English. I mean…sometimes there is the occasional American exchange student or Japanese tourist (actually, there were a TON), but apart from that Spaniard central.
Another thing I learned is the importance of family. After living with my host parents for a semester, having the opportunity to meet their entire family (kids, the kids’ spouses, and their kids’ kids), and being adopted as their fifth grown son I was able to see just how their family ticked. And honestly, the greatest lessons I learned were from them. In the United States (in most cases, anyways), we take advantage of the families that we have been given in this life (and trust me, I count myself guilty of this too). But before I came to Spain I never would have admitted that or even noticed it. While a part of the family I was I saw just how genuine they were with each other, how well they knew each other, and just how much they loved each other. Sure, they bickered sometimes, but no family is perfect. The younger served the older in many ways, they consistently went out of their way to ask how each other was doing, and they just shared life together. I was blessed with a great group of people, and I’m thankful that I was able to bond with them as well as I did. I truly felt like a son, a brother, and an uncle. And the lessons I learned from the experiences with them are something that I want to translate into my relationships at home (not just with my family, but with everyone in my life). And their devotion to the Lord and constantly living their life out in a way that reflects it was definitely a huge boost!
But the greatest thing I learned was confidence. Most of my life, contrary to popular belief, I have never really been the poster child for the term “confidence.” And honestly, if I ever seemed confident, more often than not it was probably a face I was putting on. But when I look back on the entire experience, where I started in this very airport to where I’ve ended in this same place and everything in between was transformed by confidence. When I first arrived to Spain, I struggled to get my way through the airport because I had no idea what I was doing or what I needed to say. Who knows...maybe it was just the lack of sleep on the flight and the sever jet lag I was feeling. But now, speaking to a native Spanish speaker is so natural, and I can hold my own when I converse! If you would have asked me if I thought that was possible three months ago, you can probably imagine what my answer would have been. That’s right, a resounding no.
Something I have learned about myself is that I need to have more faith in my own abilities, and that it’s ok to be proud of how far along I have come. This semester I have scaled many mountains, and every single one of them has made me stronger as a person. I’ve successfully navigated not one or two, but FIVE different airports. I have become accustomed to one of the biggest metro systems in the country. I have been able to listen to the news and conversations without having to read lips (and still understand what’s going on!). I have started conversations with people about the most difficult topics (politics, education, economics, and law) and formed opinions about it all. I’ve mastered the true Spanish accent, complete with the Spanish “lisp.” I’ve even dreamed in Spanish! Say WHAT?!
And not only have I seen these things, other people have noticed it too. And something I’ve noticed is that Spaniards are extremely honest. So for me, to be told that I speak very well, have very little American accent, and that I can hold my own with the natives by natives themselves is a huge compliment. I suppose I need to take everything about my language abilities with a bit more grain of salt, and I have to believe that I really can do it more, not just in this area of my life, but with everything in life in general. I’m more capable than I ever thought possible, and only studying abroad could have showed me that. Self-discovery skyrocketed. And because of it, I don’t really want to leave. And I have God to thank for it all, because without him nothing would be possible. My self-discovery and personal accomplishment are a tribute to his ever-constant love and guidance, even (especially) in the hard times. Without him, I really still would be a sheep without a shepherd!
In the context of “Homeward Bound: the Incredible Journey” I believe this would be the part where Shadow, Sassy, and Chance bridge the horizon of the backyard of their house. They could finally see their life that they have been missing for so long. And right now, I can see the same light at the end of the tunnel: the people I’ve been missing, the luxuries of the American life and culture I left behind. But like the animals, I am realizing that the most important part of this story wasn’t the final destination, even though that’s what we want to let ourselves think. It was always about the journey. Point A and point B are just spots, the middle part is what is most important. All in all, as I have sat in this airport I’ve been able to do a lot of reflecting and this post is the vent of my mental obstacle course. And through this reflection I have seen and felt so much, and this three months was definitely not a waste by any means. In just a few hours, I will be back in the place I once called home. And though this experience is currently weighing on my mind now, I know that when I step foot in the Indianapolis airport I’m going to truly feel home. Because honestly, there’s no place like it.
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